My liberal elitist national election voter's manifesto

  1. Complain about the DA for likes and shares from my ocean view couch on the Atlantic Seaboard.

  2. Say stupid things like "I'm socially liberal, but fiscally conservative" or "the ANC needs a strong opposition."

  3. “Forget” (or deny) that I voted EFF in 2014 (and boasted about it).

  4. When comparing parties, consider DA ‘Infighting’ to State Capture, VBS, PIC, Marikana, Life Esidimeni, EWC, Vrede Dairy, Arms Deal, SAA, SABC, NHI, the Russian Nuclear Deal, Eskom, #FeesMustFall, Bosasa, etolls etc. as equal and fair.

  5. Convince my maid not to vote ANC.

  6. Believe in what is factually wrong, but morally right.

  7. In conversation, appear visibly annoyed when saying that Helen Zille should get off Twitter, but don't say the same about Julius Malema (his army will send me rape threats).

  8. Don’t actually attend any party meetings or events (they’re for the plebs), ‘let them come to me.’

  9. SHOW OUTRAGE WHEN A POLITICAL PARTY CALLS OR SMS’s ME! (specifically towards any party that I benefit from on a day-to-day basis)

  10. When developing my views and opinions, only rely on sources I preemptively agree with.

  11. Disguise lack of knowledge as “I honestly don’t know who I’m going to vote for.”

  12. Never question the motive of journalists, they’re sacrosanct and should never be held liable.

  13. Follow the ‪ZACP Capitalist Party of South Africa for pompous lols. ‬

  14. ‪Genuinely believe in a political order that less than 10% of taxpayers voted for. (Because dodging faeces being thrown around at Cape Town International was threatening enough, although renaming it to Winnie Madikizela-Mandela Airport makes a lot more sense now)

  15. Post an #ElectionDay thumb selfie (at Jasons or on a MyCityBus)

  16. Will only vote depending on traffic, weather, queue and shade.

  17. If all goes to shit I’ll take my multiple degrees to a country where they can still speak English and devolve Western Judeo-Christian liberal values from there.